A Woman's Right to Choose is a semi-regular feature of Gold-Plated Witch on Wheels.
Echidne of the Snakes has a link to this interesting post by a guy who's wife was endangered by her pregnancy.
It's a touching story, to be sure, and the baby was very much wanted by the couple. Unfortunately, there were serious complications that involved lots of bleeding, and finally, the ultimate decision: save the baby or the mother?
He saved his wife's life, like every man I've known would. But at that point, his narrative gets weirdly political.
Mainly, then, I start to think about the abortion debate. About pro-lifers, in particular. I think about all those meddling politicians that would want to interject themselves into everything that just happened to me, interject themselves between me, my wife, and her doctors. And then I had a strong, visceral reaction. I wanted the mutherfuckers to die. I wanted to rip off their heads and tear out their hearts, because how DARE they play politics with my wife's life? The baby was fine until the end. I wondered if that would have meant they'd force us to let my wife bleed until almost death before they'd let us abort, because well, if she's not near death, then it is just a 'health' exception, and we can't have that! Fuck them. Fuck them all. They can fucking die, as far as I'm concerned. This was what went through my mind as I sat there, waiting to see if, after my baby died, my wife had died as well. I still feel that visceral reaction when I think about it, though not quite as strong - right then and there, if someone pro-life walked in and started talking about it to me, I very well might have physically attacked them. And I'm about as non-violent as one gets...
Obviously, I'm still pro-choice. And I do still say that I'll personally never have an abortion. But if anyone tells me politicians should meddle in what should be between one's doctor and one's self, I'll tell them, politely, to go fuck themselves, and then explain why.
In the weeks after this happened, I reflected on some other things as well. While I was upset at losing the little one that I saw on those ultrasounds, it did not feel even 1/100th of how I'd have felt if we'd lost my then 17 month old daughter. Not even close. We did not have a funeral. We did mourn, in a way, but nothing like you'd do with a baby who has been born. In short, just instinctively, we knew it was nothing like that. It was a seed of a person, but it really wasn't a person yet, not in our awareness. Nobody really treats a 9 week old fetus like that. Not even pro-lifers. More food for thought.
It sounds to me like this man needs grief counseling. Maybe he believes nobody treats a nine-week-old fetus "like that" (I guess he means being attached to him/her), but that doesn't mean he can project his experience on everyone else in the world. And pregnancy is a different experience for a man than it is for a woman. A man may feel invested in his wife's pregnancy, but until there are lots of outward signs (her expanding middle, seeing the baby move, etc.), it can't feel "real" in the sense it does to a woman. There's a difference between seeing a baby on an ultrasound picture and knowing that that baby is inside you.
This isn't to take away from this man's grief at all. I just find it bizarre that his first thought is how much he hates pro-lifers.
In this post, he doesn't discuss what his wife felt about the events. He does, however, say in a later comment
I've talked about it some with my wife, of course, but really I think we try not to talk about it or think about it - I don't think she wants to think about it. I know I have trouble with it. Then it is so recent.
I would say that the problem with "thinking about it" is that one has to confront the enormity of the dilemma. Having to choose between your wife and your baby may seem like a no-brainer, but there is still the feeling that even a nine-week-old fetus is more than a tumor.
So, this man is pro-choice and thinks that all pro-lifers would have made his wife die. If that's his idea of what pro-lifers are like, then he's pretty delusional. Yes, there are pro-lifers who don't believe in abortion at any stage of pregnancy, but virtually all pro-lifers believe that the life of the mother takes priority.
So, the question comes back. Why attack the pro-lifers because your baby died?
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