Wednesday, April 11, 2007

"I think she owes me an apology."

That's what Monty Johnson says about Elizabeth "for the little people" Edwards's calling him a "rabid, rabid Republican."

Johnson is hot property now that Lizzie dissed him. Inside Edition sent a film crew to his property, and he's had plenty of interview requests, as well as offers from attorneys to help him sue Lizzie for defamation of character.

But Johnson says he doesn't want to sue. He just can't understand why Lizzie's such a bitch.

Well, ok, he didn't put it that way. I did. And I'll use language that even the Pandagonistas will understand: Elizabeth Edwards is a stuck-up bitch.

I don't use that insult lightly. I am just exasperated at the hypocrisy of the Edwardses. First you have a trial lawyer pitching "the two Americas" and that he's for the little guy. Then they build a $6 million monstrosity but try to act like they're "of the people." Then the Breck Girl hires a couple of potty-mouthed bloggers for his campaign and then acts astonished that they are potty-mouthed.

But all that was supposed to be washed away with the announcement of Lizzie's breast cancer return. We were supposed to be empathetic, sympathetic, prayerful, compassionate. And believe me, we were.

Until Lizzie bared her fangs because her neighbor just ain't good enough for her.

I think Johnson is the kind and compassionate person here, certainly more than I am. All he wants is an apology. I'd want the Edwards's campaign to pay dearly for insulting my double-wide trailer if it were me. I'd erect a GOP Disneyland next to them, complete with flashing 100-watt bulb lights that were on all night. Loud concerts supporting GOP candidates. The works.

Yep, if she wanted a "rabid, rabid Republican," I'd give her one.

But Johnson's way classier than that. In fact, he's way classier than Lizzie.