I wasn't going to touch the buffoonery that was Sheryl Crow and Laurie David being obnoxious loons at the Washington Correspondents' Dinner. I kinda hoped Rove would have accidentally stuck David with his fork as he reached for his dinner, giving her some encouragement to take her politics back to her own table. But, alas, nothing so forth right happened (there's a reason why I'm not a Washington politician).
I've despised Crow since the day four years or so ago when she appeared on Good Morning America (I think) wearing an anti-war T-shirt to hock her latest song. If I'd been the cameraman, I would have kept her in close-up form throughout the song so the shirt wouldn't show, but that's just me (there's also a reason I'm not in television).
After that fiasco, Crow followed up with the one square of toilet paper stupidity.
I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required. When presenting this idea to my younger brother, who's judgment I trust implicitly, he proposed taking it one step further. I believe his quote was, "how bout just washing the one square out."
I'd hate for Crow to see how much toilet paper my crew goes through in any given week. And I'd love for Crow to try to explain to my younger kids why just one square of toilet paper will do.
But Crow followed up that hilarious moment with this suggestion: (Via Michelle Malkin)
I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what's called a "dining sleeve." The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve," after usage. The design will offer the "diner" the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product. I think this idea could also translate quite well to those suffering with an annoying head cold.
Has Crow never heard about royalty placing buttons on sleeves to prevent the wearer from wiping his nose on it? The whole purpose of napkins was to stop the disgusting habit of using sleeves as mouth-wipers. As Malkin says:
Uh, Sheryl. Have you taken into account the extra water and energy that would be expended to launder all of these dirty "dining sleeves?" Perhaps there are messy eater offsets for sale to take care of these added environmental impacts...
Malkin wonders if this is all a joke. I would love to believe it was, but considering the other boorish behavior shown by Crow, I think she is deadly serious.
UPDATE: Allahpundit at HotAir has video from The View with Rosie O'Donnell discussing the one square of toilet paper suggestion. It's rare for me to agree with Rosie (certainly not politically), but she was on target with this one.
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