Marriage Courses and License to Wed

Christine Whelan says couples looking to marry should skip License to Wed and look for serious counseling.

License to Wed is the new Robin Williams vehicle, in which Williams plays a minister who puts engaged couples through outrageous tests of compatibility before marrying them (think eharmony on steroids). The tests include "diapering urinating robotic twins."

Whelan disdains the movie and its trivialization (is that a word?) of pre-marriage counseling, and instead, focuses on the true purpose of such counseling: to help couples find commonly-held values which will guide them over the rough spots in marriage.

My question is: shouldn't they have done this while they were dating? I thought the purpose of dating was to find out all you could about the other person to determine if this was someone you wanted to be with forever.

Granted, my track record is spotty (1 for 2). And I can tell you that I "did everything right" according to nearly every marriage checklist available the first time, and, alternatively, "did everything wrong" the second time, but somehow managed to make the second marriage work while the first one did not. It really does boil down to the kind of person you and your potential mate are and the kinds of people you are willing to become.

When I look back at the problems faced in the first 5 years of each of my marriages, I am amazed at the different ways I handled situations based on my own maturity and level of commitment. Things that drove me nuts the first time (does any man fold the towels properly?) became totally inconsequential the second time (hey, he folded the towels!). That it took me two times to realize that no 2 humans fold the towels the same way but that it is ok gives me greater appreciation for the couples who realize this fact the first time around.

None of this is to knock Whelan's point that pre-marriage counseling can help smooth out the rough spots in the early years of marriage. I just don't believe that such counseling will prevent problems if the people involved don't make the determination that they are going to learn to work together, for better or worse.

Besides, urinating robotic twins sounds funny to me. :)