Monday, January 19, 2009

Guilt and Good Parenting

Guilt is just a part of being a good parent.

Somewhere in between "buckle your seat belt" and "eat your squash," America's moms and dads have discovered guilt - and not guilt for doing a bad job with their kids, but guilt for doing a good job. Sounds screwy, but it's true.

I'm of the opinion that everybody grows up with the strictest parents. At least, it seems like it at the time. I had to go to bed at 7 p.m. in first grade and was still expected to be in bed by 9 p.m. in eighth. We had to clean our rooms before we could go out to play. We did homework, then watched television. And we weren't allowed to see R-rated movies until we were 17.

As an adult, I can tell you that such rules did no long-lasting damage, and I still tend to do chores first and then play.

What I find most often about people whose parents didn't impose limitations is that such people have a hard time enforcing their own rules. So, they stay up too late, eat the wrong things, and let their kids do things they know they shouldn't (or, at least, don't need to). These problems are even more apparent when parents divorce.

I've spent a lot of time over the years policing what my kids watch, eat, and read, when they go to bed, how often they bathe, and who they hang out with. Kids always hate these inconveniences and embarrassments, but, in the end, they are better off for them.