Wednesday, February 28, 2007

It's a Daddy Thing

Kathleen Parker has a nice column at Townhall.com about the recent American Psychological Association study on the sexualization of girls.

The study states what parents of girls have known for 40 years: sexualizing images in advertising, marketing, and media are harmful to the way girls think of themselves.

The idea of girls "growing up too soon" isn't a new one. My mother was complaining about the fact that little girls' clothes were replicas of adult clothes back in the 1970s. And don't even get me started on what she thought of 12-year-olds wearig make-up and high heels.

I can't imagine what Mom would think of girls sporting "Hottie" on the seats of their ultra short shorts while dragging around their Bratz dolls.

The problem isn't only with the products aimed at children. In fact, it only starts there. While looking for computer games, my then six-year-old daughter picked up a copy of a Leisure Suit Larry game. She couldn't read the box, but she thought the scantily-clad women on the cover were "pretty," and that the game must be for girls. This daughter is particularly susceptible to "pretty" images because she likes playing dress-up and doing "girly" things.

One can argue that such games aren't for children and it is therefore up to the parents to ensure their children aren't exposed to such things. That argument would work if we lived in a world where parents could control everything their children see or hear. But, of course, we don't live in such a world, and limiting a child's exposure to offensive or damaging images is difficult to impossible.

So, what is a parent to do?

The APA has a list of things parents can and should do to help fight this trend. For me, the answer is simple: don't buy the sexy toys, games, DVDs, etc. no matter how much pressure you feel to do so (confession: I actually bought Bratz paraphernalia this last Christmas and now regret caving in). Spend time with your children explaining what is wrong with these images. Refocus your children on important qualities like honesty, compassion, and hard-work. Encourage your daughters to get involved with sports or music, as these activities get girls to focus on things other than appearance.

But as good as these suggestions are, Parker points out that the APA doesn't discuss the single most important factor in this equation: fathers.

Although the task force urges ``parents'' to help their daughters interpret sexualizing cultural messages, there's little mention of the unique role fathers play in protecting their girls from a voracious, sexualized culture.

Fathers, after all, are the ones who tell their little girls that they're perfect just the way they are; that they don't need to be one bit thinner; and that under no circumstances are they going out of the house dressed that way.

Fathers are the ones who remember what it is like to be boys and what boys think about, even when girls aren't. Fathers know that protecting their daughters even from their own bad decisions is the most important task a parent has. And "old fashioned" dads who won't let their daughters pierce their navels aren't just old fashioned. They are looking beyond the surface of these actions to the signals those actions send other people. That's the sort of discernment that teenagers don't have. It only comes with time.