Law School Lessons (or the Things They Don't Want You to Know)

I started law school in the fall of 1997 about 18 months after my mother had died. Unlike many of my classmates who had dreamed of being attorneys from their childhoods, I didn't have any interest in law until after I was an adult. My background was in journalism and so, for me, I was way more interested in the writing of law rather than the practicing of it. This sort of set me apart from most of my colleagues, who were already deciding which high-power firms they were interested in clerking for (if you want a hilarious glimpse at life in a law firm, check out Anonymous Lawyer ).

My husband's biggest fear was that I was going to rack up $100,000 in student loans and then go work for Legal Aid (as was my wont). I will confess that was my most likely course of action when I started as a 1L. It was a coffee-spitting moment in my Legal Management course when the professor asked why we wanted to be lawyers and I said because I wanted to help people. I guess he didn't get too many of those.

I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised at all by the reactions of my colleagues. Most law school students are ruthless and cut-throat. In short, all those lawyer jokes you've ever heard are true. Most attorneys really are mean, nasty bastards and if you aren't a mean, nasty bastard, you probably won't be in business very long.

I always found this tenet of the law to be horrid, but as I found out later in life, it is true. Lawyers are bastards. But they are bastards because that's what their clients want them to be when they bring their troubles to the attorney. Our adversarial system demands that lawyers be willing to win at all costs because anything less is not the best representation of the client. This is true whether we are talking about criminal law, contracts, torts, or family law.

This attitude is particularly damaging in family law, where the adversaries will have to work together for many years if they have children. It's tough to call one's ex an abusive parent in the morning and then have to work out soccer schedules in the evening. Unfortunately, the system we have is ill-equipped to deal with what happens after the litigation.

Fortunately, especially in family law, mediation is becoming required more often. More judges are beginning to see the need for compromises that take into account the emotional investment parents have with their children. Those compromises may include extra time for half-sibling birthdays, extended or flexible pick-up and return schedules, and greater recognition by all parties as to the roles of step parents.

From your first days in law school, they tell you to "think like a lawyer." While that has mostly meant "be the biggest jerk in the room," I'm hopeful that the rise in mediation and arbitration is helping to change law from a win-lose occupation to one where we actually help more people.