Yay! He's Keeping Them! Pass the Popcorn, Please!

According to Dana at CSPT, John Edwards has made his decision and, boy, is it a laugher.

The tone and the sentiment of some of Amanda Marcotte’s and Melissa McEwan’s posts personally offended me. It’s not how I talk to people, and it’s not how I expect the people who work for me to talk to people. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that kind of intolerant language will not be permitted from anyone on my campaign, whether it’s intended as satire, humor, or anything else. But I also believe in giving everyone a fair shake. I’ve talked to Amanda and Melissa; they have both assured me that it was never their intention to malign anyone’s faith, and I take them at their word. We’re beginning a great debate about the future of our country, and we can’t let it be hijacked. It will take discipline, focus, and courage to build the America we believe in.

He talked to them and they assured him they had no intention of maligning anyone's faith? Is he serious? How else do you read this:

I believe this is something for which President Bush can take some much-deserved credit, as long as he’s willing to share it with his wingnut Christofascist base...

People wear their denominations as badges of honor; in many small towns, identifying as a particular denomination means you go to the nicest church, send your kids to the best private school, and probably hobnob with the mayor and most of the other community leaders at the church picnic. You’re not just announcing your beliefs regarding the number of sacraments; you’re establishing your social identity.

In other words, it's the same materialism as what car you drive or latte you drink. But that's not maligning anyone's religion? Well, how about this:

Understandably, it’s a game that Christians who don’t regard Jesus as a mascot don’t want to play, but the Christian Supremacy movement in America is a business. Millions and millions of dollars are raised every year by people professing to preach The Word in exchange for a few dollars (and a few more, and a few more) in the collection baskets, but all they’re really doing is selling a product—a way to cope with a changing world that robs bigots of their undeserved dominion, that tells them they really, at long last, must share equality with non-Christians, the LGBT community, strong women, minorities, and immigrants in the public sphere. They are losing control they were never meant to have, and Christianity 2.0 sells them the righteous anger and victimhood they need.

In these desperate people, the hate peddlers have found a ripe market for their wares. The hungry buyers come to the churches and the political rallies with money burning holes in the pockets of their sensible trousers, and they leave satiated, their bellies full of (self-)righteous indignation, with a determination to spread the word about the radical homosexual and feminist agendas, and a keen eye for the slightest proof that their suspicions about the dastardly fags and feminazis and liberals and brown people who threaten their way of life are all true. This is a booming business, and Falwell, Dobson, and Robertson have learned to roll out their product as efficiently as Ford and his Model-Ts.

Nah, that wasn't maligning anything, right?

Here's some classic Amanda, by way of Dana's post:

Q: What if Mary had taken Plan B after the Lord filled her with his hot, white, sticky Holy Spirit?

A: You’d have to justify your misogyny with another ancient mythology.

Remember, the purpose of going over this FAQ sheet point by point is that this is not fringe opinion, this is mainstream Catholic teaching. When we left off, the sheet was going over some tedious and ill-argued theological arguments against birth control. Now we’re at the part that really upset my friend—the part where the actual lies and misdirection come out. . . .

Catholics aren’t supposed to use birth control except that they are, because not using birth control is fucking stupid. This contradiction is resolved by using a form of birth control that has a high failure rate and is a source of unnecessary tension in relationships.. . .

And while we’re pulling numbers directly out of our ass, I’ll say that the divorce rate for couples who use NFP might be as high as 94.7%. Why not? Just remember, false witnessing is okay if done in the service of knocking women up against their will. Like it’s perfectly okay to say, “I had a vasectomy years ago, baby,” if you didn’t. God loves that sort of thing, since he’s a sadistic bastard. . . .

Have to stay unmarried and reap the joys of blissful fornication. I’d feel bad, except for the part where I don’t.

I can't tell you how delighted I am that Edwards has done this. It's going to be a fun campaign season!

UPDATE: Jeff Goldstein has a great take on the situation.

But lost on these Marcotte supporters—who are cheering on the power of the “netroots” to cow a politician into keeping on an ugly and hateful liability—is that Edwards just showed up Marcotte and McEwan as frauds and posturing blowhards, writers who have been pulling the wool over their audiences’ eyes by posting vicious “arguments” they never truly believed. To use the loaded language of establishment feminism—he publicly castrated them—and in so doing, he made fools out of their audiences, to boot.

Well said.